Sweet Disposition~

On my way home after staying up till 9pm to study in school! Damn freaking shag... Surviving on 6hrs< of sleep, which is freaking legendary because I'm thag sloth that requires more than 8hrs of sleep. Riding the bus 156 back to mah crib whilst listening to Sweet Disposition :) A damn bloody beautiful song for long journeys alone. Earpiece in, world out. It was recommended to me by my awesome bro Edwin when I first joined PJC. Brings me back to the days when I desperately wanna gtfo of the school hahaha constantly insisting that I will die if I travel to school like this everyday. Initially yes, because all my previous schools are so freaking near my house! I guess it just takes a lil' adaptation and acceptance. 

Ahhhh~ Long bus rides are really thereupatic! Heals my worn out spirit and helps me sort my heywired mind. Kinda like temporarily transports me to a dimension of solitude and isolation, spend some alone time to hoist me out of the hectic and complicated life of mine. Most of the time, I'd be looking out the window and listening to "soul-searching" songs instead of reading my notes. Some days its just upbeat music to get my pump kicking, other times, it's just Kodaline. One Day by Kodaline has overthrown Chasing Cars as my favourite song 👍

Haish.... If only everyone is trustworthy... I learnt my lesson recently to keep everything to myself if possible. Random much, but yeah....

Aight, signing off. Peace Out~

✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️

Conversations.

Talking is what keeps time passing. Conversations foster relations. Elvis is beast. Haha trying too hard to make shit rhyme. Talking is ingrained in me, it's like a prophecy that I must fulfill. It keeps me social, interactive and alive. Now here's the problem. I've been noticing conversational issues that I've encountered over the recent period of time. Three issues: 1. Not paid due attention and respect, 2. Awkward as hell, 3. Too short-lived




After having experienced JC and interacting with some people, I've found a problem in conversations with some people; the person doesn't pay attention when I'm talking about stuff and/or change the subject of the convo so swiftly I can't even keep up. It is either that or my physical body constituents vaporize and disintegrate the moment I start talking about things related to me and my life. In other words, I turn into a fucking ghost when I speak -.- I don't understand why their matters are so much of a concern but when I share mine, it's an instant turn off. And that is the reason why I bottle many things up or I share it only with very very few close friends. Since I don't matter, they don't have to matter when I have things to confide. Conversation killer characteristic strong in this one. Let's call these bizarre creatures of the social world........ The Me




I can talk about basically anything, you name it! Sex, friends, gossips etc. The list goes on and on. As opposed to The Me, I do appreciate others sharing their lived experience and stuff going on in their life. It's always interesting to know more about stuff that happens outside the scope of my life. But sometimes, some people have absolutely zero content when it comes to having a quick chat as we meet coincidentally and happen to walk the same way. C'mon if you are uncomfortable with talking about sex, heck yeah I'm into gossiping about teachers or impersonating them! What? No? Okay... I'm cool with throw backs to childhood days and relinquishing old school time! Err..... I'm alright with anime I guess but I'm not too into that Fairytale shit, Naruto is fine. I'm a socially 'explosive' mudafucka!!! TALK TO ME!!! GIVE ME YOUR SOUL!!! Hahaha just kidding~ I mean, I'm okay with sharing my side of the story but, you gotta give me a headstart man! Ain't nothing to be awkward about! We ain't walking the same stretch of road that's taking eternity just by playing it off and using our phones! These are Awkwardasaurus.





Last but not least, the short-lived convo. Major turn off. It's like a beautiful start to a flowery world ahead when there's actually something entertaining and common to talk about! It's so awesome!! We can like float away already. Then suddenly there's an abrupt end to the convo. Ahhh... Well, at least it was an awesome first half. Let's get back to lamenting about our own lives again...




Having said so much, I could have been one of those above. I'm not sure because, sometimes it doesn't appear too apparent for me to notice. I may be hypocritical at times but, heck, this blog's about me so.... MUAHAHAHA! Haish, just really miss those days when I had endless conversations with my friends. It was especially so in MSHS. Dem' brothers be feeling my words and we share common interests. So many things to talk about! We couldn't even bear to leave each other and enter a state of solitude after all the crazy shit we laughed at and chatted about. Good ole' days.... It's hard to find a good listener and talker nowadays. I'm always trying to find people to confide my shit to but, I just feel some things aren't meant to be said to them. At least restrict some seriously deep stuff behind the floodgates of my mouth....




Alright that's it for the night! Signing out~

Developing immunity or ignorance?

What's good people? 25 days to Promos and what the hell have I been doing so far? Haha not much... I can safely say that I haven't give too much a shit about it. Soon, I feel it tomorrow. "Yesterday you said today", yeah whatevs...




During one of my long and therapeutic bus rides home whilst listening to some deep ass music, I did some self-evaluation and comparison of my attitude, past and present, and realized I've changed quite a bit. A change in attitude is a simple expression of a change in personality. I noticed a shift in my character in which whether it's good or bad is a debatable.




I've been giving too little damns about things happening. I used to be an overly sensitive lil' prick who's easily affected based on others' judgement, prejudices and words. If I find out anyone talking behind my back, saying shit about me or just basically anything pertaining to me, I'll feel insecure and curious to dig more up, to know what is actually going on and what have I done to spark this flame. I MUST know every single detail of the event and have many people verify it. I was too concerned about differing perceptions of the person I am. There was a point in time when I realized how sensitive I was and observed how this sensitivity and insecurity have the capacity to destroy my ego and positivity. I knew I had to do something before I turn into a freaking psychopath.




So, I decided not to give a fuck. The less fucks I give, the less problems I create or complicate for myself. It worked pretty darn well! I'm immune to gossips about me, insults and shitty attitudes that were thrown on my face. I'm not exactly numb in my feelings though. I do react and respond according to the situation, but the matter doesn't inch its way into my life and cockblock me from enjoying myself. What I've learn is to let others judge me if they will, hate me if they want (because haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate), I ain't gonna sulk for people who aren't worth my emotions and time. I also learned to cherish people who really care for me because in the event I lose them, it will be totally different from losing a 'friend'. That shit's gonna hurt real badly.




Albeit my positive change in attitude, a beautiful sky gets dark clouds too. I'm becoming more and more nonchalant and ignorant to the social environment such that insensitivity is proliferating across my social life. Many a times, I say shit that may have hurt someone else and I give no apparent fucks. More like I don't even know that deserved one but... You get what I'm saying right? I am officially beginning to drift away in my own world............. HECK NO, gotta do some self-checks and ensure that I'm still tethered to emotions and feelings. Recently, my friend told me that she admires my independence and my nonchalance, like I do my own shit and not brood over what people say about me (I think). I should be feeling good when I here this, but an old dormant part of me sense more bad than good. Kinda like my physical self exists on this very world but my mental and spiritual self just floats off to another magical realm far far away. I don't want to be this kind of 'dgaf' douchenozzle!!




So here's the plan, Imma try and give any spare fucks I have in my pockets in any given occasion around people, but simultaneously, Imma tone down my emotional receptors and keep my 'immunity' in check. Hahaha this is getting strategic. Things like these aren't even supposed to be phrased out in words, it becomes too... Complex and conceptual.



Alright, POSITIVITY GUARANTEES HAPPINESS!!

Shitty NDP Celebration.

8 August 2014, one day before National Day. I had a crappy one in school today, shitty celebration that doesn't seem like it was planned and rehearsed properly. Don't get me started on the activities for the day...



Practically wasted my entire morning sitting at LT3 watching some performance (which took place at LT4) through some shitty live stream connection and listening to overseas trip presentation in the hall. My ass is sore right now from the long hours of sitting :( Ultimately, I find that PJC suck at organizing celebrations during occasions as large scale as NDP, the objectives of the activities never had a clear and distinct association with the occasion. Presenting overseas immersion talk about China and only China during National Day celebrations. I have nothing to say. *Hands up*



Well, at least I kinda enjoyed myself a little by getting high and dancing to the national day songs hahaha! Right after the celebrations, we had Chemistry lesson followed by Econs lesson. Wtf man... C'mon give us a break... PJC is "renowned" for spamming students' timetable with shitload of tutorials and lectures but still teachers can't finish teaching their stuffzxc... Haish, y'all lil' time-wasting niggas gotta step on da accelerator a lil'~ Today's Chemistry lesson ain't that bored after all, laughters here and there helped me get through the supposedly torturous 1.5hr :)




40 days to Promos as of today. Not feeling the pump yet... Still kinda lost in the crevice of the boulders of my workload. PW is definitely a burden especially when your teacher is one of those who give nothing constructive but scoldings. Can't seem to go full-steam yet because of all such constraints. I have to clear them asap! JIAYOU VIS! If only life was like in Maris Stella.... So carefree, fun and lively~ Those were the moments man... Hanging out with a bunch of genuine and true people who make you feel warm and included were the days... Aight, gon' get some sleep and get back to work tomorrow. The damn cycle resumes :( Bleh... Happy National Day! (?)