Today's the release of the Promotional results. I was late for the reporting time and had to cab all the way from my house to school. I ran through the drizzle of a 2.30pm day, anticipating the events that would be happening in my head. I knew there would Kairos in my class. But what I didn't know, or rather, didn't expect, was who and how many. When I finally made my entrance into the classroom, the atmosphere was so full of anguish. I could hear sniffing and nothing else. It was an unusual silence that my class displayed. This is not normal....
"Wait... Why are they crying? No no no... HOLD THE FUCK UP..... Where the hell is the rest of the class? WTF IS GOING ON?!?!?!" These questions zapped through my mind so quickly. The truth bugged me and wouldn't stop nudging my senses. I somehow knew what actually happened, but I refuse to believe it. "WHY IS THE CLASS SO EMPTY?!?!?!" I asked.
"Those who are not here, are in LT3... They retained..."
I know it's something that should be easily processed but I don't even understand what I'm feeling and I'm constantly questioning what happened until it became rather annoying. I was taken aback by it. Because, THE CLASS, is not the class. 14S05 is not here. WTF happened to full strength?!?! GIVE ME BACK MY FRIENDS!!!
As I slowly started to accept, I experienced a deja vu. This long lost yet familiar pang of disappointment and dispair came back and haunt me. I remember this feeling.... This feeling lingered in my mind for so long after I got back my disappointing O level cert. That tremendous amount of dissatisfaction and the resounding feeling of being lost kicked me hard in my chest. It was unbelievable.
I was so upset, the reason being that, 3 of those who went to LT3, are my close friends, my "clique" members. I mean, they are the ones who I usually hang out with and never knew one day I wouldn't be seeing them in class anymore.... I was so desperate to comfort them. So much so that I ran straight up to the door of LT3 and waited for them to be released. I wanted to be there for them yet I wanted to keep this tactful and sensitive so it doesn't hurt them any more than what already happened. I wanted to help them out in every way possible and not scoot off somewhere like what fair-weathered friends do. I know how it feels so I wanted to ameliorate the situation. But deep down inside me, I know, I wouldn't want to be comforted if I were them. I need some time and some space.
It wasn't easy comforting. I felt so helpless initially. I didn't want to encourage them to push harder for the next year, because only people with low EQ does that. I didn't want to see them bawling their eyes out because sooner or later, I'd be joining them. I sucked so bad at comforting at first, all I did was just a simple pat on the back and remained silent. Looking at them, I had so much regrets. "Why didn't I render any help for them before the exams? Why didn't I find out whether or not they are coping well in their subjects before the exams? Why didn't I ask out of concern? Why am I so cold and self-centred?" My heart was sinking to the chasm where the Pacific Rim monsters emerge, so heavy.... They must be feeling shitty as fuck at that point in time, and so I decided to use my best trait, humour, and tried comforting one of them by making her laugh. I managed to pull it off just fine and it seemed to work its magic a bit. But everyone knows, you need to cry it all out first and empty all the sadness before you can really enjoy a good laugh. It was hard.... It pains me to look at them with their red swollen eyes and nasal voices saying, "I'm okay." No dawg, y'all niggas ain't okay at all....
What bothered me the entire day subsequently was the high probability that 14S05 may be disbanded, due to the very small number of remaining students left. We used to have 20. Now we are 13. The chance of graduating as 14S05 is extremely slim. I never expected one day, the most enthusiastic and loud and rowdy class, would disappear into thin air just by a snap of the school management's fingers. This is disgusting. I don't want to go anywhere else except 14S05. There's something unique about our class and us that fosters such strong bonds. We wouldn't be compatible with any other neighbouring classes because our style is one of the kind. We roll out as a crew. Currently, I'm just hoping and praying for the unlikely possibility that our class do not get disbanded. Saddening....
We came a long and arduous way to where we are now. Sure, we may have clashes and unhappy times. Eventually, we always end up having a good time playing, with all work thrown aside. We stand out amongst all classes being the one that cheers the loudest when one of us is up on stage, or screams the craziest during activities. Started off as Alibaba Chicken Men, and capped it off as a bunch of stranded and segregated people. Orientation till Promotional Day..... Amazing how two events spark the fire of something beautiful and extinguish the flame with a heart-shattering force, leaving bits and pieces scattered everywhere....
Nevertheless, we are and always will be, the rah rah 14S05. I love you all so damn very much <3
 |
| This is where we started. 14S05 Orientation! |
 |
| And this is where we end. 14S05 Gangstars <3 |
~Have a good one. Peace Out~
